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Monday, June 28th, 2010
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5:29 pm - Hiatus
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Hiatus...what a word...
But it describes pretty well what I'm on right now.......
I will return as soon as I feel like it. Might take a while though!
Bye bye eljay
current mood:  busy
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 18th, 2010
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12:20 pm - Some stuff about me, my job and my work..
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Attention, you will be reading a lot of "unimportant" stuff from here on. Continue at your own risk.
First of all, I'm happy. Yes, I can say that without telling lies or setting up a fake smile. I'm not happy because I'm a lucky bastard that has no problems. I'm happy because I am on a level where I'm able to solve my problems on my own, without falling into depression. I'm always afraid to fail, especially in important things. This ends now.
There is no failing. There is only a next try.
Don't ask me why that happened. I don't understand the change myself. I guess it happened with my new job. In October, when I started, I had enough time for me, my work and everything around but I only did...well...not too graphic-heavy works. Little Designs anybody out there could do if he/she would know Microsoft Programs. Now, in February, I finally do what I always wanted to do. DESIGN!
Compared to my schedule before that, I'M DROWNING IN WORK, but I'm doing so with a blissful smile on my lips. Why? Cause I love it! I don't know if I'm allowed to post the things I'm doing at work but if so, I will definitely show you some stuff. Just one thing, don't be afraid. Most of the graphics I draw at work are not even close to the subjects I draw private.
Another point that might make me happy is that I'm finally, after many many years, able to start my therapy. I'm uber-curious and nervous because of the first appointment. It's a group therapy and I have to admit, except of one close friend and some online-buds I don't know many transgender, MTF, FTM, etc. I never had the chance to find some around me and the ones I found were, well, not really that kind of persons I can keep contact with. Maybe I can make new friends or find people I can at least talk with.
Please, don't get me wrong. I have some friends I can talk to but only one is actually having the same "problem". All others do understand me though but it isn't quite the same.
Right now I want to take the chance to thank those nice persons. My girl, the main reason why I am what I am now. My friends and buddies all around the internet and all those others that are so nice to talk to me from time to time. It's pretty hard for me to get in contact with other people and to find friends so I'm really happy for all those people that leave a comment or just a little shout and talk with me. Of course, I am also happy for all the favs and watches and so on. They are worth exactly the same.
Another thing that is really important to me is patience. Patience for myself because I'm in a lot of changes right now. Changes that are affecting me, my future and people around me. I am also very glad to know that others have so much patience with me. Especially the ones that are doing "business" with me. Traders and commissioners are very important to me but I have to be honest, I suck at deadlines or doing art in a short amount of time. I want to change that! Right now I start to set myself rules and deadlines for a lot of my own stuff so I can keep up to commission timelimits. I want to be able to finish a fully colored picture between 1 and 2 weeks. That would be a big goal for me. Right now I still have 5 commissions to finish and I already started the sketches and such but there is so much to do between my "private work" (commissions, art trades, own pictures) and my job that I had to put them aside again. I will of course continue as soon as possible but right now it's a bit problematic especially because of a new timetable that will come with the next Wednesday. I hope I can get times that leave me enough free time for art. So, once again, thanks for all the patience and time you are granting me. I'm happy that my art is worth that much too you. Thanks!
I guess now is the time to tell you people something about the main reason why you are here, my art. You might have noticed that I haven't drawn anything "good" since some time. Mostly quick art with no progress at all. The reason for this was a nice little style-change. I moved a step further into comic-style and I LIKE IT!
Look at this please: [link]
On the left side is my first attempt at a character of mine in my "detailed" headshot style. On the right the new headshot and the new style. I really like the left shot but I freaking love the style I'm developing now (on the right). I'm a big Art Noir fan and this woudl totally fit that new style. If you want an example, please look:
This brings me to the last subject, Cold Law. You already saw the cover for it (link above). I got some questions if Cold Law is going to be a comic or a piece of literature. Well, for now it's planed as a graphic novel. I will draw Cover, Chapter Covers, Character Portraits and some important scenes from the story (or illustrations) but that's all for now. My brain twitches in happiness when I think about Cold Law as a comic but....I guess it's too much work for now. I might turn this thing into a comic if I finish the whole story. For me it's more important to have a story with some illustrations than having a half assed comic (again...). The main reason why I decided to write and not to draw is, my English.....sucks. Yes it sucks as hell compared to the standard I had some years ago. This happened because I had shitty english classes and barely read any english stories, books, etc. I really want to change that! I want to be at least as good as I was back then or even better! This means, writing, writing, writing and checking out my beloved dictionaries.
Congratulations, you have defeated -Big Wall of Text-!
EXP: +15,000
Items: Request-coupon from Alphares*
~NEW RANK ACHIEVED!!~
Soon to be buddy or beloved Familymember (depends on your collected EXP from Alphares)
You're definitely having too much time if you're still reading this (or you are really caring about me and all the babble I'm writing *sniffs*  )
*Request-coupon can only be used if you comment on the journal (and not just with "hi, cool, kawaii, you suck, etc")
current mood:  happy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
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2:26 pm - busy busy busy
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Damnit people...
I don't have any time lately.....except that...well..my calender says I have tons of it.
I'm kinda restless and can't get to work properly. I have so many ideas and just can't get them to paper. It's frustrating. I'm collecting myself right now so I can finish tons of things.
Work is stressing me a little but not because of the jobs I get. It's more the feeling I have while sitting at my desk and working. It fells kind of.....cold...and distant. I'm happy for any friendly moment and I'm studying CSS like an idiot.
I also have some fun-jobs that I'm hopefully allowed to present online when I'm finished.
What I need to do:
First off, trades am commissions
Second, working on some projects (can't say which one though)
Oh and what I wanted to say is, found somebody really nice on DA. Actually it was and odyssey to find the users DA gallery (since I started on Y!) but in the end I made it. Go and check out shahriiyar.deviantart.com/ and the comic reinholder.smackjeeves.com/
It's worth it!
More art will be uploaded in teh next posts...promise!
current mood:  burned out
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 23rd, 2009
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10:29 am - still alive.....the future?....sucks...
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..just not feeling too well...
I know...I haven't posted since ages...had a lot to do lately.
My head doesn't really feel right....or better..my mind...
I want to do so many things, help so many friends....but hell...no matter what I try it always seems to get worse...I have so many things to handle...things that only my mind can handle...and now...only a single phrase kicks me to the ground. A single phrase said by the person I can't defend against. For god's sake there is only one of this kinda creatures running around on this planet or I'd be a wuss in no time. A creature, so easily hurt that it tends to hurt others without noticing it. It's so precious, so dear to me and still. If hurt, everything turns bad, no matter what it is even if we would be talking about a helping hand. It would get shredded into tiny pieces within seconds since, well...it hurts...
I can't be mad about it though. I know I'm part of her misery. All I want is to support her, hug her and hold her close no matter how heavily she'd try to tear my chest into shreds. Sadness can be blinding, hurting those around you even more than yourself. Understanding that makes it easier for me. Easier...but, it doesn't weaken the damage words can do. As I said, I know I'm a main reason why this all is happening. But my mind can't understand why we can't share the burden.
Instead of making the best out of the situation it seems as if hitting in the others face, telling them they did nothing until now is easier....but not helpful at all.
I don't want to blame her for acting like that. I can't fully understand it, no...but still. I'm not in the position of blaming her how she acted and how not. That's not what a husband should do! A husband is supposed to support his wife. To love her no matter how hard the times are. It's his duty to help and work on a future together and that's my aim. I guess being told that I'm the only problem why there won't be a future together isn't really nice but understandable if you'd know my role in this play. The depressing fact is, I know what I have to do. I know where to start and where to end all this but....I can't. My hands are bound by cords called society. I need time....time to grow into that pair of shoes that carry the big letters "husband" on them. My love will never fade no matter how hard that battle might be but all my ears hear right now is "you're the reason why".
I know, some kind words later it might be forgotten...all my grief and pain.
I also know that I can handle all that. What I don't know is, will my precious understand? Will she see how hard I'm fighting or am I again able to trick her with my fake smile telling her that everything is alright? I'm a fighter, I always was and I always tended to fight my battles alone. Some might call me lazy for that fight. Some even might call me coward for not seeing me fight. The fact is, I do...every day.
All I ask now is....forgiveness..
For all the times I smiled, not telling the truth behind my masquerade.
For all the times I hurt you, without wanting.
For all the times I went blind or deaf to withstand everything around us.
I did not give up our fight but how should a knight be victorious in war when all he has left is an empty home with nobody waiting for his return...
Even thoughts about that fact make it twice as hard as the whole war is.
Please, for our future, stop telling me bad things what will and will not happen if I don't hurry. Trust and support me if you like. Even ignore me if you like but please, just let me handle my part of our story. Stop hurting me out of your fear and focus on all the things you can do to make our future liveable....together...
I can't promise to win this war on any fix date but I know I can be victorious as long as you, my love, await my return!
...let's end this with some....graphic parts...I guess I owe them some people..
Blitzkrieg by ~Alphares on deviantART
Blitzkrieg 0-1 by ~Alphares on deviantART
current mood:  sad
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
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12:20 pm - Keping up to date....uhhhhh yeah.......
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| Thursday, September 24th, 2009
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9:19 am - Desktop Meme
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Desktop Wallpaper Meme
The Rules:
☞ Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper.
☞ Explain in no more than five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
☞ Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!
Well I'm using that desktop-picture cause the main question behind it caused a big riot in the "furry-scene" since ages. Who eats whom? Why can't a wolf eat a rabit (anthro) etc, etc. My very easy answer....I eat nearly everything........ Eating furries is like eating a chicken or pig..nothing to it..
current mood: busy
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 21st, 2009
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9:19 pm - New project and new server...
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Here's a little preview of my latest project...
This time a non profit/full fan-project.
folklore.hostzi.com/intro.html
I will move my own artist-site too as soon as I have the new design fixed....and commissions done... Oh and some sketches will be uploaded here soon. Haven't had much time lately.
current mood: busy
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 16th, 2009
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9:31 am - New art
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| Friday, July 10th, 2009
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9:58 am - ART ART ART
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| Monday, July 6th, 2009
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11:04 am - Commissions
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Just a little sidenote....I'm open again..
Check FA or Furbase for more details! Oh and another little note...played DMC4. Finished in 8 hours....YAY!
current mood: busy
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
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4:03 pm - Art again
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11:12 am - News and ART!
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First of all, the news. School's a little bitch lately. It's ending far too soon so need to get money and a job quickly.
Well, except of that...I'm addicted...Aion totally killed me. I guess it's the bes MMORPG I've ever seen until now. All I can say is:
GUYS THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE FUCKING 18 YEAR OLD WUSSIE BOYS!!!! WOOOHOOO!!! Ehem, sorry bout' that but it just pisses you off to play guys/characters that just don't fit your behavior in the game or your personality. I mean, heh, ever heard of a High Guard lvl 80 being only 18 years old? No? Me neither!
Except of that I joined a really nice german-speaking Furry-community. Antropomorfos is really full of nice people and has a lot to offer.
Take a look if interested! They also have mirror sites in other languages. For my part I'm ONLY in the german forum.
Antropomorfos
Oh and well, just a little statement I have to write down here, SWEETA, MUCH MUCH LOVE FROM YOUR CATBULL!!! *cuddle*
( ART ART ART - CLICKIE! )
current mood: busy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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8:57 am - Some news
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Sat on my ass and changed some stuff..
1. I left my "shenlong" account on FA and changed to alphares (FINALLY WOOH!)
2. The flat is finally ours now. All we got to do now is adding the kitchen and some basic stuff, than we can move in.
3. Still ill. I hate my stomach really. A pain in the ass. but well....I will be at work on monday...hopefully...
Oh and I did a bunch of sketches and such. I started to practice my art-skills again especially in traditional media and Furry/Fantasy art.
And BTW, if you're reading this Seli, I bought myself "American Gods" and "Neverwhere" from Gaiman in English! Great books really! Well, all for now...art will follow....hopefully...
current mood:  sick
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 15th, 2009
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12:53 pm
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| Tuesday, May 12th, 2009
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11:09 am - Good news coming....
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Yes it is true...oh so true..there are good news...
I might have a chance to get another job. It is not sure now but there is, as said, a chance.
To complete this, I guess I am able to draw again. First two little doodles of two new charas of mine, Julien and Ricardo... And then, this little masterpiece for my buddy Raz:
http://alphares.deviantart.com/art/Scarlet-Headshot-122260383
Hope it stays like that.......
current mood:  artistic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 11th, 2009
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11:55 am - Any good news? I'm looking for them!
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Well, I think it's time for a big post now. Haven't been able to update this here since weeks. First of all a big big SORRY to all that miss my presence! I don't really feel well with going out or doing something with other people. I have my close friends and my girl and more is really too much for me! I guess this is called summer - depression or so.... It started with stress at work and in school. Psychical stuff like fights every day at work and unnecessary long discussion with our teacher that went so far, that he wanted to quit. It just sucks and after trying to change everything I just can't take it anymore. I only want to finish and start to get a real job after this education. Too bad I won't have a big chance I guess. Still, I'm not the one to give up on that. "What about the flat?", you might ask. Well it should be a matter of days now (hopefully). Maybe this brings me up again. I miss spending time with my friends and my girl and doing art......good art... I guess everything is getting a bit too much for me at the moment. All that I wanted was celebrating my birthday, moving into the flat soon and finding a job so I could gather money and finally start the whole psychiatrist/surgery thing.....
Seems like it will take even longer than I've expected..... I also guess this all is giving me my migraine that lasted for a week now..... In the end I want to say, thanks to all that stand by my side and help me to get up again.
It's you that carry me right now and I promise, I'll carry you too if you need me to.
current mood: sick
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
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3:19 pm - Wait and see
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| Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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8:20 am - ....Logo altering
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Sorry for the nasty watermark. I'm just uploading this here so people know who actually did this thing.
Yeah just for the copyright blah blah since I want to get that stuff printed on my shirt. ATTENTION: The original owner of this logo is EBAY! I did neither create nor own this logo. All I did was altering it a little for fun.
Await news and artwork in the next entry!
current mood: busy
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
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10:09 am - A little light and some info
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Well, we are still having problems with the flat....
Sucks as hell since it seems to affect my body and my mood. Too much stress lately.
My girl helps me a lot though even is she has no freaking time in the easter holidays. Has to study......*drops*
Well..at least a little light is there....
I might know until Thursday if we finally get the flat, yes or no.
I also want to show you a commission I "bought" myself from Marourin
Yay for Al and Will, wohoo!
Was freaking time I commissioned something for them...
If you're interested, one of those sketches is only 3$
Just visit her page and let her know!
current mood: stressed as hell
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 23rd, 2009
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10:59 am - not much.....except some shit
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Well, working on Buddha Crisis, Commissions and the flat thing right now.
It kinda drains all my energy lately. I don't wanna go out...don't really want to draw....all cause of this stupid problems about the flat.
That's just so freaking pissing me off lately...really..
Yeah this entry is full of pissy and blah so, don't wanna know, don't read.
Stomach hurts like a bitch out of unknown reason. There's work to do I barely have time for and school/job is getting more and more stressy.
All I want is that I'm having my ass in the new flat soon, that I'm able to draw again properly and finish all the art stuff and that I'll soon be in the arms of my girl again, just enjoying time with her.
As said, haven't had much time to do/finish anything lately. Really need to change that.....urgently!!!
Maybe I'm able to finally open the big surprise bag of Awesome for all you out there. Still will take me a lot of work and fine-tuning but well..I'll hurry...
So..enough talk for now... Me and my stomach, we have a date with Mr. Pain-away-pill so, have fun..
current mood: sick
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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